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A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The busdriver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
OBSERVING THE BABY
Observing The Baby One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she said.
"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50."
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she said.
"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50."
THE POPE ON TOUR
The Pope has just finished a tour of Napa Valley and is taking a limousine to San Francisco. Having never driven a limo, the Pope asks the chauffeur if he might drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur doesn't have much choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.
The Pope proceeds down Silverado, and starts accelerating to see what the limo can do. He gets to about 90 mph, and suddenly he sees the red and blue lights of a CHP cruiser in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window.
The trooper, seeing who it is, says, "Just a moment please, I need to call in."
The trooper calls in and asks for the Chief. He tells the Chief that he's got a REALLY important person pulled over, and asks how to handle it.
"It's not Ted Kennedy again, is it?" asks the Chief.
"No Sir!" replies the trooper, "This guy's more important."
"Is it the governor?"
"No! Even more important!"
"Is it the PRESIDENT?"
"No! Even more important!"
"Well, WHO THE HECK is it?" screams the Chief.
"I don't know, Sir," replies the trooper, "But he's got the Pope as his chauffeur!"
The Pope proceeds down Silverado, and starts accelerating to see what the limo can do. He gets to about 90 mph, and suddenly he sees the red and blue lights of a CHP cruiser in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window.
The trooper, seeing who it is, says, "Just a moment please, I need to call in."
The trooper calls in and asks for the Chief. He tells the Chief that he's got a REALLY important person pulled over, and asks how to handle it.
"It's not Ted Kennedy again, is it?" asks the Chief.
"No Sir!" replies the trooper, "This guy's more important."
"Is it the governor?"
"No! Even more important!"
"Is it the PRESIDENT?"
"No! Even more important!"
"Well, WHO THE HECK is it?" screams the Chief.
"I don't know, Sir," replies the trooper, "But he's got the Pope as his chauffeur!"
WALKING THE BRICK
Once there was a police man and one day on duty he saw a man with a brick on a leash. Being the man that he was he went over and said to the man and said nice dog you got there.
The man replied, "it's not a dog its a brick dumb ass!"
The policeman said "I'm really sorry for wasting your time" feeling embarrassed and strolled away quickly.
When the policeman was out of site the man bent down and whispered to the brick: "Got him there didn't we Rover?"
The man replied, "it's not a dog its a brick dumb ass!"
The policeman said "I'm really sorry for wasting your time" feeling embarrassed and strolled away quickly.
When the policeman was out of site the man bent down and whispered to the brick: "Got him there didn't we Rover?"
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